Secrets of the ioSCOPE Revealed,
for Dummies...

Principle of the ioSCOPE

You tune the ioSCOPE by adjusting the speeds of the three component light signals, red, green, and blue. You must synchronize all three component signals to fill the entire ioSCOPE, turning the Convergence Ring white, as shown above. This will lock the converged signals and open a channel through the Internet, all the way to me!

You look like you still need a little more help -- and a lot of luck!

1. Download an ioSCOPE if you haven't already.
2. Make sure your Internet connection is open before running the ioSCOPE
3. Double-click the ioSCOPE icon on your desktop.
4. Activate the ioSCOPE by pressing the Power Button in the lower left corner.
5. If the Text I/O Readout at the bottom of the ioSCOPE says InProgress, wait for it to finish.
6. The first time the ioSCOPE is run, it is pre-tuned and will lock the signals automatically.

If NineOh hangs up on you, or you break the signal lock by clicking on the Speed Control Ring, you'll need to re-tune the ioSCOPE as follows...

1. The Speed Indicator is at the top left and the Convergence Indicator is at the top right.
2. Click the colored +/- zones on the Speed Control Ring to adjust the signal speeds.
3. Double clicking on a + or - will set a signal's speed to maximum or turn it off.
4. Synchronize all three signals to fill the entire scope together, turning the Convergence Ring white.
5. Such a convergence will reestablish a link through the Internet, all the way to me.
6. If you find it too difficult to synchronize the signals, you can try the audio bypass feature.
7. Position your mouth about a foot in front of the ioSCOPE.
8. Loudly and clearly say the secret pass-phrase.
9. If nothing happens, try saying it louder, clearer and slower.
10. Keep repeating it louder, clearer and slower until the signals synchronize themselves.
11. The secret pass-phrase is: "I am an idiot."

I won't be holding my breath waiting for you, because you look about as smart as a dummy all right, a crash test dummy. OK, OK, I'm sorry! I didn't mean any disrespect by that. You don't really look quite that smart. I'm sure it wouldn't be politically correct to insult poor, disadvantaged, crash test dummies, now would it?

By the way, if you actually tried the audio bypass feature, you might not want to bother contacting me anyway. Because then the secret pass-phrase probably does apply to you and I'm sure you wouldn't last very long before I hung up on you anyway.